Oh, I have a blog? It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything, especially in writing.
“Why is this?” I ask myself.
Well, its been hard, to be honest. Hard how? Well, its been hard in a lot of ways. Here goes explaining…
I’m back home, what is there to write about? In Europe I wrote about my day to day experiences, all of which were incredible and new. Texas is great, don’t get me wrong, but its hard to write about something that I have known my whole life with the same enthusiasm that I wrote about something that was so utterly new and invigorating like Europe.
Not only that, but now my day to day experience isn’t about EXPERIENCING a new place or many new places. Far from it. My day to day experience is about finding a place to stay, with friends or family, and then finding a job…. How boring and depressing is that?
Not to say that life on the road and staying with friends and family isn’t fun, because it is(I love and appreciate all of the friends and fam that have let me stay with them, and the great experiences we have had), but it really wears on me to not have a place to call my home after awhile.
I mean, I truly feel like a burden to everyone. A piece of shit, a bum, a good for nothing, to put it bluntly. I have nothing to offer anyone, only a jobless burden.
I did say that I would offer honesty to this piece of shit blog right? Well, here is your honesty.
Everyone knows the job market SUCKS(not just for filmmakers), thats another topic that I have been unwilling to talk about because it is so well known and therefore boring. Everyone is in the same boat as I am, no one is hiring, the economy is shit, and isn’t showing any signs of getting better.
This fact doesn’t take away the PRESSURE. All encompassing, unforgiving, overwhelming pressure… Pressure to do all of the things that I said that I would do, all of the things that I still promise to do… Pressure to live up to not just everyone else’s expectations, but even more so, the pressure that I put on myself.
Succeed. Succeed. Succeed. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail.
I feel bad for not keeping this blog up with all of my experiences but I can truly only bear to write about this topic one time. And write about it badly too… I can hardly understand all of the emotions and thoughts that are running through my brain as it is, let alone convey them through writing in ONE sitting. I’m sure you can tell.
The moment I wake up in the morning, when I remember my situation and all of the pressures that come with it, I am already exhausted. I’d rather go back to sleep, but I get up, and do my best. That is all I can offer. So far, my best hasn’t been good enough.
Find a job=find a home=find a life.
I know I will make it, I will succeed. I’m just trying to make it happen sooner than later. Cheers, folks.
